"We can't tell you who we are. Or where we live. It's too risky, and we've
got
to be careful. Really careful. So we don't trust anyone. Because if they
find
us... well, we just won't let them find us. The thing you should know is
that
everyone is in really big trouble. Yeah. Even you."
"Animorphs" is a series of books by K.A. Applegate, and follows a group of
young people engaged in a secret war with the Yeerks. The Yeerks are
slug-like
creatures who infect people and take them over. Now these aliens have
invaded
Earth, but another alien gives five Earth humans--Jake, Rachael, Tobias,
Marco, and Cassie, the ability to copy the DNA of animals and morph into
them,
a power he himself has. These Animorphs battle to stop the Yeerks from
taking
over the world. Highly popular, Nickelodeon adapted the books into a
live-action television series, which only lasted two seasons and didn't
cover
half of the book series.
So, you may ask, WHAT THE SLAG DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH TRANSFORMERS?
Simple,
and stop yelling. I have a headache. As with any kids book turned into a
visual media (I don't recall a lot of Harry Potter merchandise until the
movies), the merchandise flowed like lava. These included action figures,
but
instead of making a bunch of human figures and a bunch of animals for you
to
pretend they turned into, they wanted humans that turned into animals.
Enter
Hasbro, who has been in that business for years. They were tapped to
create a
series of Animorphs toys, with the controversial decision to slap the
"Transformers" name on it. One could say this was the first "Crossovers"
line,
followed years later by Star Wars and now Marvel characters. And like
those
crossovers, the Animorph figures were not part of the Transformers
Universe; a
situation that irked some Transfans back in the day. It didn't help that
the
humans looked terrible, to allow for all the animal bits and the
"mid-morph"
heads, cousin to the mutant heads of the original Beast Warriors. Each
figure
came with a "life-size" Yeerk slug in various colors. So if you wanted to
turn
the cat into an alien conqueror...actually, these wouldn't help. You'd
just be
torturing the cat by stuffing toys in its ear and pretty much being a
jerk!
However, me being me and not having read the Animorphs series (and it's
gone
on too long for me to start now), I said the heck with the official story.
Because of the "A" logo the each wore (in the style of the series logo) I
dubbed them "the Alliance". My story is that these were aliens who
considered
the Cybertron mechanoids to be an abomination, claiming to be sentient
life
forms deserving of the same rights as "natural", "organic" life forms.
Tricked
by other aliens with their own agenda, the Alliance members were
themselves
bio-mechanically engineered, sort of a reverse of the original Beast
Warriors.
Since the figures were released during the Beast Wars, they often
interfered
in the war with the Maximals and Predacons.
I had everything set in my head, from character profiles to backstories to
current events that included love triangles, con jobs, and some Alliance
members having second thoughts about the Transformers status as living
beings
while watching some of their own members seem to become as soulless as
they
claimed the robots were. It was a great story, which ended with the bad
aliens
destroyed, the reformed Alliance members becoming friends with the
Maximals,
and the unrepentant Alliance members either dead or off in hiding, I don't
remember which or if they all switched sides after learning their
benefactors
were evil.
All said and done, however, I only ended up with six Animorphs/Alliance
members. Back in the day there were Transfans who stated that had these
been
robots (ala the original Beast Wars figures), they would have been great
figures, but as humans they stunk. Let's put that to the test, shall we?
TOBIAS came in two hawk versions (not counting the McDonalds figures), a
deluxe and mega version. The deluxe was the first Animorph I purchased.
The
feather pattern is a far improvement over Airrazor and the Magnimal
Silverbolt. How amazing looking future beast modes would have been if they
hadn't gone back to pure or mostly mechanical. (Even the Cybertron beasts
were
machines.) I like the wingspan, and how posable the wings are. If only the
aforementioned Silverbolt could have boasted these wings, instead of the
ones
needed to accommodate the missile launchers. Unfortunately, that's where
the
pluses end. You can easily see his human hands, legs, and part of his
****rt.
The hands poke out of the talons and the legs transform like the original
Dinobot, only without the camouflage. He also doesn't stand well, and
falls
over a lot while standing him on his bird feet.
In humanoid form, Tobias still can't stand on his faux high heel feet.
(High
heeled sneakers. Why hasn't anyone thought of this yet? And been dumb
enough
to make them?) That's my only complaint. While still making a lousy human,
even if you fold the wings into a backpack position and try to ignore the
talons hanging off his forearms, he fits in nicely with my Alliance story.
The
beak is a mask-style thing, and I sometimes can't decide if he looks
better
with or without it in humanoid form. It certainly makes him look like an
avian
alien. The wings look good folded in, but left to the sides, maybe swept
back
slightly if it didn't make him too backheavy for his feet. The talons make
nice built-in battle gauntlets that he can push back to use his normal
hands.
Don't use the human head, as looks small compared to his huge chest. I
know a
guy who used to have a chest that big. Paint him green and he could take
Lou
Ferigno's place as the Hulk. I still kid him about that although he scaled
it
back to something more normal. :)
DECISION: If it weren't for the Alliance story, bird mode would be a big
disappointment instead of a minor one. With or without the beak, his avian
warrior form looks cool. I'll keep him around.
Tobias was also given a Mega figure for his hawk form, which he's supposed
to
be "stuck" in due to spending too much time in this form. Kind of like
when
you mom warned you that if you kept making that face it would stay that
way. I
had originally picked this up for someone else, but then he had some money
troubles and couldn't get it, so it became mine. This has to be the best
looking bird ever to be marked (controversially or not) as a Transformer.
From
the colors to the feathers, it looks almost real. Sure, there's only one
position the head looks "natural" in because of how the neck is connected,
but
the fact that it is posable makes up for it. Sure you see springs in the
wings, but that's an action feature. Pull the lever cleverly hidden in his
tail feather and his wings deploy. (A half pull brings a half deployment.)
He
also has working talons, but they're not really strong enough to carry
anything worthwhile. He also has a working beak, but I broke one of the
tabs
on the lower beak, so I have it in place with tape. Still, this is an
awesome
alt mode that makes me miss the "natural" Beast Warriors even more. Stupid
Cybertron robotic beasts.
Now this is an avian alien superwarrior. The ****rt was hidden very well,
unlike his "brother", the beak is part of his transition face, but his
head is
more human than the other. I preferred the deluxe transition head. I also
miss
the talon weapons on the arms, since his bird feet are his humanoid feet.
These wings would look awesome for the other Tobias, but they might not
work
as well at a deluxe size. My big complaint are the limp wrists. Even with
tape
around the ball joint the right hand can come off on it's own and the left
is
just strong enough to stay in place. There's a little too much space in
that
little space on the hands that allows the hands to go into beast form
position, which is the culprit here. The new molded human head looks older
than the deluxe version, adding my idea that he's the elder brother in the
Alliance story.
DECISION: The best looking bird might be considered wasted on an Animorph,
even with my Alliance story, but that alone makes Mega Tobias a keeper.
Humanoid form is pretty good, but I prefer the deluxe's human form, with
mega
having the better bird form. Anyway, keeping this one as well.
Most of the other Animorphs had more than one toy made in *different*
animal
forms (in some cases you have to count being part of Tri-Rex, which I do
not
own). The version of JAKE I have is his bear form. Now this is a bear that
belonged as a Beast Warrior. The only hint of human is some of his fingers
popping out in his bear palms. You can also see a few too many hinges for
my
liking, but his back can hide secret information, sort of like FK Cheetor.
He
has a working jaw, well molded fur, a head that can nod, but is a bit too
front heavy to put him into a "bear is going to smack you around like a
GTA
hooker" pose. He also has a "V" shape of light brown fur, matching the
bear
face, while the rest is more of a dark brown, with silver claws and teeth.
A
very nice looking bear.
In humanoid form, most of the bear forms a really huge backpack, a
drawback to
hiding the human near perfectly in bear form. I'm not sure if this
qualifies
him as a shellformer, but I kind of like the transformation--sorry,
morphing
pattern. The transition head looks more like an alien pig than a bear, if
you
ask me. The front claws, which make nice humanoid gauntlets can be
removed,
only to realize his hands are permanently molded to allow Jake to see the
backs of his hands. There's no wrist articulation at all, and these
figures
suffer from the lack. His beast palms form...well, they don't form much of
anything, really. They fold up so you can see the entire human hand. The
head
sort of revolves like a secret panel in a Scooby-Doo episode. You use a
switch
to trigger the change back to the transition head. It's not a bad
humanoid,
but he has flaws.
DECISION: The humanoid flaws are minor in the long run. It's a fairly
decent
humanoid in the Alliance concept, and a really nice deluxe bear. Keeper.
To keep from repeating myself...
SHRAPNEL: "Myself"
Quiet, you. Anyway, there is a universal complaint I have about the last
three
Animorph figures in this review that I'd like to bring up now. Whomever
was
responsible for these legs, to paraphrase Garfield, should be drug out
into
the street and shot. Well, maybe not that severe. Maybe use Nerf guns. A
lot
of Nerf guns. And ammo. Reload a few times. A bunch of times. Just shoot
him/her all day long. They deserve it. It's this weird transformation
point at
the top and bottom of the knee. The result is that I never know how the
legs
properly go in either form, and the humans all suffer from satyr-leg. It
annoys me and is already a strike against these three. I should also note
that
all their front paws are really gloves that go over the hands. The
resulting
attack hands are not as cool as deluxe Tobias and bear Jake. A second
strike.
Can they recover?
Well, let's keep the Tobias tradition and do the other JAKE in my
collection,
the tiger. Outside of the leg problem, he's a somewhat decent tiger. His
head
is stuck in growl at you position, and you can slightly position his tail.
The
aforementioned back legs annoy me. Not a whole lot to say here.
First off, transforming this figure? Not fun. This was later remolded into
a
panther form for the Animorph's alien ally, Ax. A poor choice, if you ask
me,
and I originally wanted the Ax/panther because I though it looked cool in
the
bubble. While I have to admit he makes a nice "stalking" pose, it's really
the
only pose I can make without him falling over. The big problem is the
tiger
back forms a rather crappy backpack, unlike the other two deluxes reviewed
thus far, that gives him balance issues. The tiger "chest" forms some kind
of
shoulder pad, but so does the tiger head. He has two sets of shoulder
pads?
Wha? Also annoying is the way you go from transition head (which looks
like
Burgess Merideth's character in Rocky took a side job in "Cats" ) to human
head. There's this switch in his back that makes the transition head drop
down, and the human head pop up...RIGHT BEHIND THE TRANSITION HEAD! This
looks
as awful as it sounds. Look this thing up at TFU.Info, and you'll see what
I
mean. It's terrible.
DECISION: Posing is nonexistent for different reasons in each form.
Humanoid
looks terrible whether you go with the Animorphs or the Alliance. We have
us a
purge, people.
The last two are separate characters in the Animorphs storyline. First is
RACHAEL, the lion. At first glance, it is a nice lion. The fur molding,
especially in the mane, is great, and the lion face may be better than the
Magnamal version of Prowl. Then we get into the details, like the back
legs
(see above) and the face mask that makes the lion face being on a
transformation point that is rather obvious. There's also a switch in the
back
of the mane that I'll get into in humanoid form, that just looks bad here.
You
can also see Rachael's human shoulders in her lion's front legs.
Otherwise, it
is a nice lion if you can ignore all that.
Leave the gloves on in humanoid form. It makes for a nice feature for the
"bio-engineered" gimmick of the Alliance storyline. An interesting note is
that unlike Jake/tiger and the next figure, it actually matters (beyond
aesthetics) which arm you put a particular glove/paw on. This is because
the
left and right hand are molded in different positions, which is different
from
the other figures. Remember that switch in the mane, which is now in her
long
mane-like hair? This pushes the transition face (which makes her look like
the
sister of the character in the old live-action "Beauty and the Beast"
series--my mom was a fan) up and reveals Rachael's human head, and because
of
the design she looks like some kind of nun. However, it doesn't stay in
place,
so if you let go of the switch, the lion-like face drops back down, making
using her as a human action figure even harder than the other Animorph
figures. Seriously, who thought this feature was a good idea? I'm thinking
the
designers wanted them to be some kind of "beast man" mutant freak, which
would
mean they know nothing about the Animorphs series, book or TV.
DECISION: As an Animorph, this is a bad, but not the worst--that would be
Jake/tiger--figure. Not being able to take the transition face off the
human
head, and the way the mane/hair interacts with the human head if the
transition face could stay out of the way, just doesn't work. Lion form is
passable, and under the Alliance storyline I use the figure works fine.
That's
what's saving her. My phony take on the figures. That's kind of sad, but
I'm
not sure if that's Hasbro/Takara's or my thought processes that's sad.
Now for the last Animorph/Alliance member, CASSIE the wolf. Again, at
first
glance..nice figure. The glove paws really aren't needed, since they not
only
are too long, making the wolf look like a genetic abnormality, but if you
take
them off you find a set of little paws. It's not like they couldn't have
made
those paws normal sized, as having animal bits hanging off them would seem
the
norm if you only know about the story through the action figures.
Otherwise,
it's a very well done figure from the head--with snapping jaw, nice--to
her
fluffy tail. (Shut it, you!) Really nice figure--until you look
underneath!
Then the anorexic wolf reveals her ugly head. Or rather Cassie's head.
Some
kind of underneath covering would have been a good idea. And yes, it's
jarring
enough to even overcome the awesome wolf head--with snapping jaw--because
it's
so blatant as to be horrible. At least to me.
Her transition head looks like Austin Powers shagged a werewolf (highly
possible). She has the same red devil-possessed eyes her animal form has.
Her
transition/human head switch is similar to Jake/bear, but you use a part
of
her beast butt to hold it in place. (Yeah, I'm sure I could come up with a
bad
joke here, too, but why risk having the other members of the group beat
the
energon out of you?) She's also dressed like Mr. Green Jeans from the old
Captain Kangaroo series.
DECISION: Humanoid form? Neutral to the point of barely caring. Wolf form?
So
ruined by the underside it's disappointing. Fare thee well, miss Cassie.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Alliance. A group of warriors drawn together by other aliens (played
by
the alien Ax and Visser Threes--never had them) to wage war against
Maximal
and Predacon alike. Bio-engineering themselves to not only become animals
native to Earth, but fierce, animalistic combatants, the Alliance have
been
convinced to eliminate these alleged "living" robots from Cybertron. But
what
are their masters really up to?
What they were up to was causing chaos for their master, Unicron, who
wasn't
ready to strike just yet. The only survivors (meaning that I purchased
them
as well as the purge) are Aviawk, his little brother Hawkwing, Princess
Lionna
(Hawkwing's mate) and Ursak. All four, since the days of the original
Beast
Wars and the existence of the Alliance, have learned the error of their
ways,
that the Transformers are as alive as they are, and help the
Autobot/Maximal
groupings in their war. A fascinating story I should really tell someday
along
with the rest of the Shadowverse.
Alas, this bring to an end the Beast Wars series (unless you count the
Mutants, but I'm saving them for the next series). My next post along
these
lines (as opposed to the usual ATT chatter) will wrap up the Beast Wars
and
move us on to the next Transformers line...BEAST MACHINES! Stay tuned for
the
transition essay. Or not, I'll post it either way. :)
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